the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
