whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
