Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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