Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
