OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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