At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
sex in a hospital.. check
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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