why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
