Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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