A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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