I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I wish you could order shots online.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
