It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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