I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
