Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
