we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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