wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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