dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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