Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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