i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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