there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
