I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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