shes about as inviting as chlamydia
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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