remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
