I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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