If that was your dad, he is hot
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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