Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
me + whiskey = a bad person
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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