I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
