your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize