We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
