Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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