There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
