Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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