If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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