but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We need to rekindle our bromance
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
