No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
