obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
