Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
