Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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