I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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