I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
