I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Randomize
