please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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