im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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