dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
