Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
