I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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