i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
