32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
