i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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