I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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