Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I want to fling myself into the sun
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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