dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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