I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
