im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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