just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
