the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
