Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
