Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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