i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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