By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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