remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
