I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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