you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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