I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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