I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
