I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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