you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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