I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
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Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
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ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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