he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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