Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Sext me about skeletons
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
send nudes
from the living room?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
