you're like a bully in the Christmas story
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
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When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
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Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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