so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
