We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
