this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
