Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
