They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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