my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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