I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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