My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
